Hello friends, today, I will guide you through a connection practice that I do consistently with my own relationships, and assign to many of the couples who work with me.
Relationship intimacy is the foundation for epic romance.
This is a simple therapeutic exercise to help you create and restore the intimate bond of trust in your couple culture. Once you have the basics; you can adapt and expand this practice to other relationships and situations.
I’m Lorran Wild, and I do many therapeutic practices with people and for myself to foster romantic intimacy. I am sharing this brief exercise with you and invite you to develop more therapeutic habits that support your intimate relationships.
First of all, enter a space/environment where you can be alone together. I like to shut the door and let other people around me know that we need our privacy for 10-20 minutes (unless there is an emergency).
You can also watch a video where I show you a demonstration of the process:
MATERIALS YOU NEED
The materials you need are:
A timer such as your cell phone AND
A music streaming service such as Spotify
If you would like to sip water, make that available too
THEN...set up your space
Adjust lighting/temperature
Create Comfortable seating
MINDFULNESS
To open to this practice, attune to your space, your body, and your partner by holding hands, closing your eyes, and focusing on your breathing.
Can you already identify some of your feelings? What sensations are happening in your body as you begin? Are there thoughts popping up in your mind?
We Just notice how it feels, sitting with your partner; without judgment or resistance. Simply being aware.
MOVEMENT PROMPT
Now let’s get into the main exercise. Here are the steps:
1. Select one of you to be the first giver. The other will receive. Set your timer for 1-5 minutes.
2. Gaze into each other’s eyes.
3. The GIVER holds thoughts of appreciation, gratitude, admiration, and love for their partner. “What is beautiful about them? What do you love about who they are? What do you appreciate about your relationship?”
4. The RECEIVER opens their mind and heart – invite a curiosity:
“What is my partner thinking about me?”
5. Both of you notice the dance of emotion within and through what you can witness about your partners’ body.
6. When the timer sounds, transition with a brief gesture – you might hold hands a moment, have a hug, say what you need to say, have a drink of water or go to the bathroom.
7. Then, set your timer again - for the same amount, and SWITCH roles.
8. The giver generates the thoughts they want to communicate without words. The receiver takes in what they can perceive without verbal language.
9. As this is a dance of intimacy, it is normal for us to become emotional. Tears, laughter, figits, and all kinds of expressions are possible – normal, and good.
For some people, eye gazing is extremely uncomfortable. You may adjust the time you do it within a consensual conversation. With regular practice, you will find a suitable timeframe.
To expand this practice, you may wish to add some simple forms of touch, or slow movements with your hands – but don’t complicate it too much. This therapeutic exercise is a sanctuary of just being together.
Trust is fostered through a sense of safety and through knowing that you matter to each other. Eye gazing is a quick way of re-establishing your connection.
Sometimes words get in the way. It can be very hard to find the right words to explain how we feel or what we need. We often misinterpret what is happening in someone else’s mind. So we can so easily be misunderstood.
Eye gazing calms down our mind. It can be very meditative. In your quiet time together, you can remember things you haven’t thought about for a long time.
All the parts of feeling and being alive are beautiful and stormy sometimes. Emotions are a big part of intimate relationships. They can move really fast, but eye gazing allows us to slow it all down. In the safety of secure love, our feelings have a safe space to be and flow naturally.
REFLECTIVE transition
When your practice comes to a close, you can hold hands and close your eyes as you did at the beginning.
Then you can debrief together.
Allow some time to be curious about what happened from each other’s perspective.
Reassure each other that all feelings are valid, good and beautiful
Discuss any adjustments you might want to make for the next eye gazing date.
And that’s it for this intimacy practice for couples – I hope you enjoyed it!
I believe romance is the best part of being committed to love.
If you had any difficulty with this exercise, you might want to have a look at my Masterclass about Emotional Intimacy. I also help couples to have supervised conversations;
you are welcome to book a session here
And if you want to explore more therapeutic connection practices, subscribe to my YouTube channel. Or, better yet, join us in my next Maps to Intimacy Program! It’s perfect for you if you want to join a community of people who long for authenticity in love and life. The WAITLIST is open & we welcome all Determined Romantics! (No skills required). See more details here.
Want to join a community that explores Therapeutic Habits? We have an online group that meets weekly! No experience needed. Send me an email message for more details:)
You are most WELCOME!
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