You’re Not Crazy: How Perfection Starves Us (and What to Feed Yourself Instead)

Lorran Wild
Aug 26
3 min read

There’s a kind of hunger that green smoothies and junk food can’t touch.

It shows up as the sigh you swallow at the sink. The tight smile over your tears when someone says, “You should just...” It’s not a lack of discipline or gratitude. It’s the quiet famine that happens when perfection keeps you hustling for approval while your actual desire goes unfed.

You’re not crazy. You’re soul-hungry.

Perfection is the curse that says: be impressive first, satisfied later.

AND Later never comes.

The Starvation Cycle (and why it feels so real)

Perform → Praise → Repeat. You keep the plates spinning. You’re “the reliable one.” It looks like power from the outside; it feels like depletion on the inside.
Numb the appetite for pleasure. When you can’t hear what you want, you double down on what you should do. Desire goes quiet to survive the noisy pressure.
Resentment bubbling like molten lava. That bitter edge? It’s your body’s way of saying, I'm starving for attention.

This isn’t a moral failure; it’s a misdirection of care. You’ve been pouring all your energy outward.

Today we turn the spoon around.

Desire is not a luxury—it's fuel

Desire is the living current that tells you where aliveness lives. It’s not always “big” (move cities, quit jobs, dramatic romance). Often, desire is small and specific: the sweater that makes you feel like art, the 10 minutes of silence after lunch, the song that loosens your ribs. When you feed the small things, the big things get clearer.

Three Wildly Romantic Ways to Feed Yourself (Today)

Each practice is 3–7 minutes. No perfection, just presence.

1) The 60-Second Whisper

What it feeds: clarity + self-trust

Set a one-minute timer.
Ask, “Right now, I would love…”
Say whatever surfaces out loud. No editing. No justifying.
When the timer ends, pick one micro yes you can honor in the next hour (open a window, stretch, sip something warm, put on the song).

Why it works: Naming desire reactivates the internal microphone. The micro yes builds the muscle of self-approval.

2) The Done List (Not To-Do)

What it feeds: dignity + relief

For two minutes, list everything you already did today—tiny, invisible tasks count double (answered a text, wiped a counter, breathed through a moment).
Read it back. Place a hand on your heart. Say, “You do so much. You are a good ______”

Why it works: Perfection only measures “what’s next.” This rebalances your nervous system with evidence of your effort and worth. It's okay to feel proud of yourself for a few minutes;)

3) Five-Minute Sensual Reset

What it feeds: aliveness + embodiment

Close your eyes. Touch one soft thing (sleeve, pillow, cheek).
Breathe through your nose and imagine a scent you adore.
Let your hips or shoulders sway to a slow rhythm—no choreography, just circulation.
Whisper, “I am feeding myself.”

Why it works: Sensation cuts through mental noise. When your body feels fed, your mind stops begging for perfection.

Common Saboteurs (and what to say back)

“It’s selfish.”Reply: Fed people are kinder. Starved people snap.
“It’s not productive.”Reply: Who is benefiting from shame-production?
“It won’t ever be enough.”Reply: Enough is not a measurement. Something is better than nothing.

If You Need a Script (steal this)

“I’m experimenting with feeding my real needs, not my perfection. I’m starting tiny on purpose. This week, one micro 'yes' a day.”

Tell a friend who gets it—or write it on a sticky note. Ritualize it.

Journal Prompts to Keep You Honest

What am I secretly longing for that costs under 10 minutes?
Where do I keep choosing routine over risk?
If I believed small desires mattered, what would change today?

A potent reframe

Perfection won’t feed you. Desire will. Break the curse.

Take one whisper. One micro yes. Then another tomorrow. That’s how we come back to ourselves.

Want help naming your flavor of self-care?

Take the Archetypal Self-Care Quiz to discover whether you’re the Earth Priestess, Pleasure Empress, Flow Alchemist, Zen Sage, Creative Muse, Fire Dancer, or Sacred Hermit—and get one tiny practice tailored to your archetype.→ [QUIZ ]

With you, in ever-better days. 🌹